I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
