If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
