I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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