So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
