Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
