put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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