I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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