he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
