are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
