maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
