I wanna bring you to show and tell
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
