I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
