your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Success! We fucked roommates!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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