he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
