I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
