I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
