worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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