I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
