You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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