my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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