Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize