we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
