I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
