I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
