Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
