First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
