So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
