she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
