Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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