dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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