Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
