Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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