This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
