Porn is love you can see.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
