Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
