The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
