I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
