I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Nicole vs. Life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
