Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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