So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
