Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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