You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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