you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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