Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
