totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
