I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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