my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This girl is more easily done than said...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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