You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
