I cockslap morals
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
