my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so explain again why im purple
no
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
